Akatsuki Power Outage
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Akatsuki is officially moved in to their new home! But what happens when an exciting, fun filled game night turns in to a big storm that knocks out the power? Can they survive this or will someone end up in the emergency room before the night is over?
1. Chapter 1 Home Depot

Akatsuki Power Outage

I don't own Naruto, any of its characters or anything else Naruto related

Hey Maha55, your idea is incorporated into this story!!

Some Background….

Akatsuki had officially completed their move in to their new house. Everything was finally organized and now it was time to enjoy this wonderful new house. However, there was some slight, slight, slight remodeling to be done….too bad Itachi and Deidara were the ones who had decided to tackle it…and on the day a storm was predicted for the area? Oh dear….

"Oh my god let go, yeah!" Deidara said nearly falling over.

"No! I will drag you by the hair until you put that stupid brush down and go with me to Home Depot!"

"Just give me 5 minutes, yeah! I'll be done in 5 minutes!" Deidara whined as Itachi tried to pull him from the huge glamorous bathroom.

"No, NOW!"

"Well, see if Dana and Marisol are ready and then come get me, yeah."

"Dumbass Marisol is still at the salon and Dana is in the pool!"

"Marisol's not home, yeah? Fine…..okay let's go, yeah." Deidara said getting one last spray of cologne in before things got any worse. They went downstairs, Sasori was in the kitchen working on his famous spinach stuffed chicken and rice for dinner.

"Hey, where are you two going? This is going to be ready in 30 minutes." Sasori said.

"We HAVE to go to Home Depot, put some in the fridge for us, this could take a while." Itachi said.

"Well hurry up, because we're having game night tonight after dinner and you two have to be here for Catch Phrase." Sasori instructed.

"Uh huh…alright…..okay…so wait…does this client know that swithcing lawyers like this will only drag it out? Okay, okay well as long as he knows what he's getting in to. Okay, so Monday morning at 9:15. Tell him to bring any paperwork he already has. Okay, bye." Lola had been on the phone with what was apparently a new case she would be taking. She was now jotting notes onto a legal pad a mile a minute. Dana had just come in from the pool.

"You know, it looks totally like a storm out there, yeah. I think I'll go take a shower before dinner." Dana said closing the door behind her.

"It's probably going to blow in later." Lola said absent mindedly staring at a stack of legal documents.

"Shut up dumb ass!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, it's your fault!"

"It is not my fault you piece of shit!"

"Hidan it is completely your fault!"

"NO IT'S NOT! You're the ass who used it last!"

"Hidan, money doesn't just appear! You can't just buy toothpaste when it's not on sale! And now look, here we are completely out and you didn't even warn me we were close to being out. And you know what pisses me off the most…"

"You know maybe I don't fucking care whatever the fuck pisses you the hell off the most! Go to hell Kakuzu!"

"You…..stupid ass! Listen to me! That toothpaste was on sale last week at Wal-Mart! I could have gotten the bonus box with a free travel tube! But nooooooooo not now! You know why….."

"WHAT PART OF I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A SHIT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! JUST BUY SOME MORE DAMN TOOTHPASTE FOR GOD'S SAKE KAKUZU IT'S WHAT 3 DOLLARS A TUBE!?"

"Excuse me, Kakuzu, I happen to have this tube, you're welcome to use it, I don't mind!" it was a good thing polite Tobi stepped in.

"Thanks Tobi, you're a good boy!" Kakuzu said. Hidan rolled his eyes and flipped Kakuzu off as he walked away.

"So, Zetsu what games should we schedule tonight?" Kisame asked.

"Hmm…Catch phrase of course, and a card game definitely, Oh! Mouse Trap! That game is colorful and fun….and I randomly found it in Tobi's room. Let's see you probably don't like go fish…we won't play that tonight. But we do have Battleship, Uno, CandyLand, and the leader's personal favorite…Operation.

"Here, you want this?" Sasori asked Lola sitting a glass of red wine in front of her. Besides, Sasori and Lola were the only two who appreciated good red wine.

"Yes! I'll take that!" Lola said swirling the wine around in the wine glass. "You need any help? She asked.

"No, I'm almost done." Just then the door bell rang and Sasori figured he would answer it since he was en route back to the kitchen anyway. He figured it was Marisol and didn't understand why she didn't just come in. "Oh god…Kabuto and…Orochimaru what a pleasant surprise." Sasori said sarcastically rolling his eyes. "Look, what do you want?"

"Is that…spinach stuffed chicken I smell?" Orochimaru asked.

"Yes." Sasori said.

"We brought you a house warming gift!" Kabuto said shoving a poorly wrapped gift towards Sasori, the purple snake paper and the big purple bow added to this lovely token. Sasori sighed.

"Well, fuck come in." Sasori did not like how this was going. He called for Tobi who immediately came down the stairs. "Tobi, open that gift I have to work on this rice." Sasori instructed. Tobi examined the package as Orochimaru and Kabuto looked around.Tobi began to open the package.

"Oooooooooooh! Look Sasori! Look Zetsu! Kisame look!" Tobi said holding up this new gift.

"It's a Febreeze Scent Stories player and we got a couple of those discs with it! Kabuto said excitedly. "You all will love the adjustable fragrance settings…"Orochimaru elbowed Kabuto in the stomach. " I mean…not that we use one of these." Kabuto quickly said.

"WOW!" Tobi was excited. It was then that thunder started to rumble lowly outside.

"Um….thanks." Kisame said. "Hey, didn't the leader get one of these things for Christmas?" Kisame asked Zetsu softly.

"Oh yeah, there's a 'holiday scents' disc you can buy for it." Zetsu answered.

"So, about the chicken…." Orochimaru began.

"No, I don't have enough for you two." Sasori said dryly.

"Okay, we'll be on our way then. We just wanted to give you the housewarming gift. C'mon Kabuto we're going to Burger King." Orochimaru said. And with that Kabuto and Orochimaru left. No one said anything for a moment. Tobi was still admiring this fabulous new gift.

"Is it just me, or are they really odd these days?" Kisame asked.

"Oh yeah, they are definitely up to something." Zetsu agreed. Hidan and Kakuzu came downstairs to join everyone else.

"Seriously, I found this fun religious trivia game for our game night tonight." Hidan proclaimed.

"Hidan, they won't want to play that, Monopoly is so much better." Kakuzu said holding up the Monopoly game.

"God, you always have to fucking relate everything back to your damn money don't you!?"

"Well, you always want to tie religion in to every single thing you do every single day!"

"Oh go to hell! Seriously, my religious trivia game is so fucking cooler than your stupid lame ass…"

"Hey, this is ready. Will someone carry that bowl of rice to the table." Sasori interrupted the second argument of the evening.

"Oh sure, I'm on it." Hidan said grabbing the rice. The thunder outside had grown slightly louder and the wind was picking up. There was indeed a storm on the way…


	2. Chapter 2 Game Night!

"Great dinner Sasori, great dinner." Zetsu said helping Lola load the dishwasher. Lola and Sasori had pretty much polished off a bottle of wine by themselves, it gotten to Lola a little bit because she cept tripping over the open dishwasher and laughing every time she did it. Currently, Marisol and Dana had gone upstairs to put some laundry away that Marisol had done as soon as she got in from the salon.

It had started raining outside and the sky was still dark. Kakuzu, being the self-proclaimed meteorologist that he was watched the weather channel and reported that there was a giant string of storms that would probably hit most of the evening. The front door came flying open suddenly.

"Itachi! This is all your fault, I blame you, yeah!" Deidara came practically falling through the front door with his arms full of crap from Home Depot.

"Just get in the house! Can't you see I'm soaking wet! My god Deidara, I told you to carry this stupid thing! Now I have to get it!" Itachi complained.

"Itachi, my hands are full, yeah." Itachi came awkwardly wobbling through the doorway with the set of beautiful unfinished wood columns. He nearly dropped them three times before resting them up against the wall.

"There." Itachi said panting. "God, now look at me, it's pouring outside and now I'm soaked! My hair looks…..hmmm kinda hot." Itachi said standing in front of the mirror and not helping Deidara with the crap he had just dropped all over the couch. The now little more than slightly buzzed Sasori was enjoying this very much.

"Um….what the hell are you two going to do anyway?" Kisame asked a little concerned about the rotary saw, the crown molding, the 7 cans of paint, the paint brushes, the roller brushes, the random wooden accent pieces other miscellaneous Home Depot items.

"Oh! Check this out, yeah!" Deidara said pulling a book out of one of the bags and showing it to Kisame. Kisame read the title.

" Making Decorative Wall Petitions with Roman Style Columns and Accent Molding for Morons . You honestly think you two can do this?" Kisame asked sarcastically.

"Well, Dana and Marisol are going to help, yeah." Deidara said.

"Oooooh riiiiight, that's going to make this project……HAHAHAHAHAHAH." Sasori couldn't hold it in anymore. He was laughing so hard that he nearly dropped the wine bottle and he did fall over into Hidan.

"Why are you splitting that room up anyway. You two have shared a room for how many years? Um…Lola isn't that enough soap?" Zetsu asked watching Lola pour a huge amount of liquid soap in the dishwasher. She just looked at Zetsu and laughed….and tripped on the dishwasher door again as she closed it.

"We're not splitting it actually; we're adding a decorative half wall type thing to where the floor changes levels. Because you're right there's no reason for us to split that beautiful bedroom up with a wall, so we're adding this thing to accentuate the open space." Itachi told him.

"I'm impressed, you actually thought that through." Kisame said. The lightning and thunder outside had picked up. This was most likely round one of the storm line.

"Seriously, it's a good idea but you can't work on it tonight because it's time to begin our game night!" Hidan proclaimed.

"I'll pop another bottle of wine." Sasori said heading for the wine rack."

"Is that really a good idea? Wine is expensive and he and Lola have already polished off one bottle. Kakuzu asked to no one in particular. Itachi and Deidara had gone upstairs to get Dana and Marisol for the game night.

"Let them have their fun, Kakuzu. Besides it's really funny when drunk Lola starts flirting with Sasori." Zetsu said. Marisol and Dana appeared from upstairs with Itachi and Deidara ready for the games to begin.

"Oh! What are you going to play first, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Let's start with Catch Phrase tonight!" Kakuzu insisted. "Now let's see how should we split the teams?

"I want to be with Marisol, yeah!" Deidara declared.

"Well, then I want to be with them too, yeah." Dana added.

"I want with them too!" Itachi said.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey…I need….one of you to be with me because I'm going to be honest about something here okay, this is me being honest with you. I need one of you to be on my team because I am a little bit drunk and I may try to feel Lola up in front of you all if someone doesn't keep an eye on me." Sasori said taking yet another sip of wine. Of course Hidan was convinced Sasori wasn't certain of what he just said.

"Seriously, you and I can be on the same team, I'll take care of you." Hidan reassured him. Lola was too busy pouring another glass of wine and sitting the bottle a safe distance away from the white living room rug.

"LOLA WHERE ARE YOU!" Sasori yelled.

"Sasori, she is right behind you." Kisame said joining this team. Lola just laughed and took another drink. Zetsu, and Kakuzu joined them as well. Which left Tobi….

"We'll take Tobi, yeah. He was good at this game last time." Deidara said.

"Oh Deidara! We will surely win this game! Oh I just love games, and we get to be on the same team, oh Deidara this is simply so exciting!" After Tobi's rant started and the lightning picked up outside, it was time to start…. Sasori, Lola, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu and Zetsu made up team 1. Which left Deidara, Itachi, Marisol, Dana, and Tobi as team 2.

"Okay, category is places! Alright, this is the place you go where you get food…" Zetsu was going first.

"RESTAURANT!" Kisame yelled.

"No! you go here to buy food to keep for…"

"GROCERY STORE!" Kakuzu yelled.

"YES!" Zetsu passed the unit to Tobi.

"Um, Alright here we go…this is a capital city…"

"CLEVELAND!"

"Marisol, that isn't a capital!" Itachi told her quickly.

"No, okay it's a capital city that…"

"OH! TORONTO, YEAH!" Deidara yelled.

"No, it's a capital city that is popular for…"

"I KNOW! I KNOW! AFRICA, YEAH!" Dana yelled.

"Dana! That's a country!" itachi said, forgetting it was actually a continent.

"No, no this is a capital city that is popular for its production of…." Tobi didn't get to finish because the buzzer rang. And team 1 gets a point. "The answer was Detroit." Tobi said.

"God, I should have guessed that!" Itachi scolded himself. It was Hidan's turn to give clues.

"Okay, category is food….This is something you put on spaghetti!"

"PARMESEAN CHEESE!" Kisame yelled.

"No, it's color is red and it's…."

"SPAGHETTI SAUCE!" Sasori yelled falling forward a little bit.

"More specific. It doesn't have meat.

"MEATLESS SPAGHETTI SAUCE!" Sasori added.

"No, no! If it doesn't have meat but it only has this…"

"MUSHROOM MEATLESS SPAGHETTI SAUCE!" It was obvious Lola was of no help either because she had guessed that of all things and now she was leaning over sideways in Sasori's lap laughing her ass off.

"No, Lola! Come on now, it's red, it's meatless it's the same thing used to make ketchup…." And then the timer ran out. "Awwwww!" Hidan was disappointed. "Team 2 do you have an….whoa!" Hidan's thought was interrupted by a giant clap of thunder and a flash of lightning. "Do you have an answer?" Team 2 didn't say anything for a moment, they will all in deep thought.

"Hmmmmm……is it Tomato sauce, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Seriously, that is the answer." Hidan was a little surprised he got that right. It was now Dana's turn to give clues.

"Okay, here we go, yeah, The category is everything….Oh, oh, oh,oh! Okay, okay, okay when Deidara and Marisol have sex Marisol likes to be….."

"ON THE BOTTOM!" Itachi yelled.

"How did you get that before me, yeah?" Deidara asked out loud.

"YES! Now, okay…this is one of those things that doesn't ever end, yeah!"

"What does that have to do with me being on the bottom?" Marisol wondered to herself out loud.

"OH! A TOOSIE POP, YEAH!" Deidara screamed.

"DUMB ASS YOU AND I COUNTED THE LICKS THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" Itachi yelled at him.

"No, alright, this is a thing that's like…..if you fall down it you never come back, yeah."

"Oh, Dana is it perhaps a black hole?" Tobi answered calmly.

"OH I KNOW! I KNOW! IT'S A BOTTOMLESS OUTER SPACE BLACK HOLE THING!" Marisol answered.

"Okay yes! But instead of outer space if you fall in this in the ground you don't ever come back, yeah!

"BOTTOMLESS……HOLE!" was Itachi's logical answer. And then the buzzer rang. "So, do you all have an answer, yeah?" Dana asked.

"It's bottomless pit! That was an easy one! Kakuzu said.

"You know Dana, you could have just said Orochimaru's soul is a…" Zetsu said giving this obvious clue.

"Bottomless pit." Zetsu, Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan said in unison. Sasori and Lola didn't completely know what was going on…..

Will this game night be over before the BIG storm?


	3. Chapter 3 Sasori, Lay Down a Card

"Are we playing strip poker? Is that why you have cards?" Sasori asked.

"No Sasori, this is the game of Uno. Now sit back and relax. Wait…..all of us suck at shuffling and dealing cards." Kisame said.

"I can deal cards, give those to me." Lola said taking the stack from Kisame. She then began to shuffle the cards in an extremely elaborate manner. She flipped then around like she knew exactly what she was doing. Lola shoved the deck in front of Tobi for him to cut the deck.

"Lola……how did you know how to do all that fancy stuff with those cards?" Hidan asked as Lola dealt the cards out so quickly that some of them actually went flying off the glass table.

"Are you kidding!? I worked at a casino as a blackjack dealer in Atlantic City when I started my law degree. I made great money working there." Lola said sitting the remainder of the stack in the middle of the table.

"I….never knew that about you Lola." Kakuzu said slightly intrigued by this information.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about Lola." Sasori said pouring the last of the bottle of wine in to her glass. "Is this our first bottle of wine?"

"No, it's your LAST!" Zetsu told him quickly.

"Marisol, I know I'm not supposed to look at your cards but they are upside down, yeah." Deidara informed her.

"Oh this happens like all the time. I never can hold the cards right. I can't fan them out like that." Marisol said struggling to turn her cards right side up AND hold them. But finally the game of Uno was ready to begin. Sasori went first. His card was a blue seven. Some moments passed and no one laid any cards down.

"Um, Lola it's your turn." Zetsu said.

"Sorry, I was looking at Sasori's cards." Lola said laying down a yellow seven. Sasori gasped.

"You can not look at my cards! I'm going to look at yours!" Sasori said trying to see her cards. Lola just laughed and tried to avoid him but Sasori grabbed on to her.

"No Sasori!" Lola laughed.

"Lola! I show you mine you show me yours!" Sasori said to her still trying to unwrap her arms from around her body. She was still laughing wildly.

"I show you mine you show…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA……I show you nothing." Lola was slightly hysterical.

"You know, I always thought you two were hard to handle when you were drunk….I no longer think that." Kisame said referring to Itachi and Deidara.

"Seriously, they drank two bottles of wine. That averages to a bottle a piece!" Hidan said.

"SASORI! Get your hands out of her shirt! LOLA! Lay a card down!" Zetsu's voice booming like the thunder outside. The lights in the house flickered and surged.

"Wow! We just like so almost lost power, yeah." Dana said examining her cards.

"You know it's always better to go through a storm with a friend, that's why I'm good to have around. I'm always a good storm friend!" Tobi said.

"Yeah, whatever Tobi." Kakuzu said. Lola finally laid down a blue two. Zetsu, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu and Tobi made the game go a little faster by laying their respective cards down….but now it was Dana's turn.

"Hmmm….what do I do when nothing matches, yeah?"

"You draw a card from the stack." Tobi said. Dana took a card. Dana took a card.

"Okay, well what happens when this card doesn't work either, yeah?"

"You just keep it and now its Itachi's turn." Tobi explained. Itachi laid a green five on the stack. Deidara had a wild card and so the stack now turned blue. As for Marisol she laid down a blue skip card…thank god because it was Saosri's turn. Which now brought us back to Lola. Lola laid down a blue one.

"I go before you." Sasori told her.

"You just got skipped." She said. "See, the blue card says skip. So I laid down a one." Sasori didn't say anything he just stared at Lola. Finally he just winked at her.

"What's that supposed to mean? What message am I supposed to get from that?" Lola asked watching Sasori carefully.

"No, no it's not what you're supposed to get from that it's what you're GOING to get." Sasori winked again.

"Oh, you are…." Lola was cut off.

"Sasori it's your turn." Itachi said. Everyone else had taken their turn during this lovely conversation and now it was time for everyone else to wait for Sasori to get his act together and lay a card down.

"How is it my turn already!? Can't you see I was trying to tell Lola something very important…but now I don't even know what it was!" Sasori said. But just as Kisame was getting ready to fight him on this, lightning struck outside……and the house went dark.

"Um…..I think our power just went out, yeah." Dana said. The only light was the wicked lightning that flashed outside.

"Oh Dana, our power isn't out, stupid Zetsu probably just flipped the wrong light switch in the back hallway." Sasori said getting ready to continue this Uno game.

"Sasori! I'm sitting RIGHT HERE! The storm just knocked out power out!" Zetsu said. Sasori laughed.

"Zetsu, I've always thought you were funny…god…you kill me."

"Perhaps the power will comeback on. Maybe this is just a temporary surge." Tobi said.

"Don't count on it. I'd say it's down for the night." Kakuzu said. "It's a good thing I counted my money earlier tonight!"

"Seriously, I don't need any fucking light to complete any of my Jasshin rituals!" Hidan argued.

"Hey! There is a coconut scented candle upstairs in the bedroom. I could so go get that." Marisol volunteered.

"It wouldn't do any good. We don't have any matches and the last time Itachi used a Katon Jutsu he nearly burned a hole in our carpet at the other apartment." Zetsu said.

"You know, it's strange when we unpacked, we unpacked at least 15 boxes…..and there wasn't a flashlight in any of those boxes. Is there a reason we don't own a flashlight?" Kisame asked. It was a good question actually.

"If I had a slogan what do you think it would be, yeah?" Deidara seemed to ask out of nowhere. Itachi laughed.

"Your slogan would be….don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Deidara thought a moment.

"Hmmm….no I don't think that would be my slogan, yeah."

"Well, my slogan is 'all the fun without the guilt' so you can't have that." Itachi said confidently.

"Oh my god! Deidara! In high school that gay guy that wanted your ass always said he thought you were like a birthday cake candle….pretty to the eye, hot to the touch and just can't wait to blow on it, yeah." Dana said.

"Wow! He said that, yeah!? That is like such a compliment, yeah! So my slogan could be…." Kisame cut him off.

"Wait, before you do whatever the hell this is that you're doing does anyone else notice that Sasori hasn't said anything in the past 5 minutes? I mean, I figured he would have come back with 50 insults by now…..but he's very quiet…Hidan…"

"I'm on it Kisame. I bet his hands are in all he places they shouldn't be during a power outage." This was going to be a long night…..


	4. Chapter 4 LOLAAAAAAA!

"Seriously, how the hell did Sasori get Lola upstairs to their room without any of us knowing? Hidan asked as thunder pounded outside. The wind had started blowing and heavy rain beat up against the windows.

"Are you serious!? He slipped away with her completely undetected!? Oh well, Lola works hard…she deserves a good…" Tobi cut Kisame off.

"You know, we could perhaps reset the breakers and see if our power comes back on." Tobi suggested.

"That's no use Tobi, the power is down, although we could call the power company and see if they could give us information on where the line is down and how long the power will be off." Kakuzu suggested.

"Wow! It's a good thing that Dana and I chopped up a pineapple early this morning!" Marisol said.

"Why is that honey, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"If the power is off for like a long time….like….for years….we could starve to death." Marisol said seriously.

"Um……o…..k…..but really Marisol I think the power will only be out for a few hours." Zetsu said.

"Hey, you know Marisol does have a point. We have a gallon of milk that will go bad if the power is off too long." Itachi said.

"Oh! And there's a block of cheese in there and some bologna that will go bad." Zetsu added.

"I have an idea, yeah!" Dana got up from the living room couch and wandered in the dark toward the kitchen. "OUCH, yeah!"

"Dana? Honey?" Itachi wondered what she had run in to.

"Oh don't worry. I just ran into the side of the refrigerator, yeah." Dana opened up the refrigerator and took the gallon of milk out. She sat it on the counter and started digging through a drawer. She found the package of cookies she was looking for. Next she raided the cabinet of 9 plastic cups and piled everything up in her arms….it's no wonder she didn't drop everything. She carefully made her way back to the living room. "Okay, here we go, yeah! Now, we can eat these Oreo cookies and drink all this milk, yeah!" Dana passed the plastic cups around.

"Dana, is that skim milk? You know how I can't stomach that 2 percent shit and you know how much fat that 2 percent has in it. My god, the power's out what does that label say!" Itachi began to panic.

"It's okay Itachi, its skim milk, yeah." Dana reassured him pouring the milk.

"Hey! You know what we can do! Since the power is off, we don't have any lights, Sasori is banging Lola and we can't finish our game we should talk about some or most memorable experiences!" Marisol suggested. Tobi went crazy over this idea.

"Wow Marisol! That's the greatest idea! I think that idea is so terrific. I want to start! I want to start!" Tobi said. "Okay, this is something I will always remember! When I was younger I loved playing Barbies! You could brush their hair! Change their clothes! And Barbie even had her own convertible! Of course, I don't do that anymore but I miss the days when I had Barbies." No one said anything for a moment after Tobi was done.

"Um…" Kakuzu cleared his throat. "That's nice….Tobi. "You know one of my most memorable things as a child was when I got my very first savings account. My dad opened it for me when I was seven…I loved that savings account." Hidan was rolling his eyes but no one could see this. He thought about interrupting Kakuzu's thoughts but he knew how dreamy Kakuzu became when it came to that stupid first bank account of his.

"Okay, yeah what the fuck ever it's my turn!" Hidan said forcing Kakuzu out of his dreamlike state. "Oh, you're going to like this. Alright so right before I joined Akatsuki….hold on I have to have another Oreo before I get in to this….okay, anyway right before I joined I went on this amazing religious trip, seriously! Oh, we're talking it was so moving! I've never felt more in touch with my religious side than this trip, it was days of praying and worship and worship and praying! Seriously, I think it made me more devoted. You know, I think I may even have some pictures from that trip, seriously."

"That does sound nice, you know…..you increased your Jasshin…ism…..stuff." Kisame said.

"Are these Oreos fat free because I would love to have 2 instead of one." Marisol asked Dana.

"Marisol! The power is out….have 3, yeah! Those Oreos have 64 percent less fat than original Oreos, yeah!" Dana encouraged her.

"Hmmm…okay!" Marisol seemed thrilled with this logic. "What about you Kisame what are you going to tell us about?" she asked.

"Oh well, I think I'll talk about the time I first met Itachi."

"Oh god! Do you have to!? God, I'm trying to get my recommended daily intake of calcium and cookies and you want to bring that up! GOD!" Itachi wasn't pleased…..but his anger was slightly eased by the presence of the Oreos.

"Yeah, so when I first met Itachi he was taking an extreme dosage of rage pills because every single little tiny thing set him off like crazy. Which by the way, I'm glad that since Dana has been around your dosage has been cut back eight times. Anyway, so one day I was just kidding around and I didn't realize how sensitive Itachi was about his hair….so he was just sitting on the couch and well I put my hand in the back of it and flipped it all over the place and in a very feminine voice said 'how's my favorite wittle Uchiha today'……I really thought I was going to die that day. I'm slightly surprised I'm alive to tell you about this." Itachi was glaring at Kisame but once again no one could really tell. Zetsu thought this was hilarious because he remembered it happening. Kakuzu thought it was priceless.

"Shut up! That was a horrible day!" Itachi yelled at Kisame. Kisame just laughed.

"Yeah for me because you acted like you were going to kill me!"

"I WAS going to kill you….then the stupid leader was all 'oh you can't kill him…he's your partner'….damn leader." Itachi mumbled under his breath.

"That's cute that's…." Kakuzu's comments were cut off. Not by the thunder outside or the lightning or the hard rain…but by something else…

"HAHAHAHAHHA….AAAAGGGHHHHH….OH GOD, OH GOD….HAHAHAHAHA…I CAN'T FEEL MY THIGHS AT ALL!" Yes, that was our dear Lola standing at the top of the staircase yelling at Sasori who was in their room.

"HEY! THAT'S NOT MY FAULT! I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN NEAR YOUR THIGHS!" Sasori yelled back at her.

"Oh god….what's going to happen?" Kakuzu said nervously.

"I don't know…but we now know that Sasori danna hasn't been near Lola's thighs, yeah." Deidara said.

"Let's watch and find out. Hey you know what I'm surprised we can hear them yelling as well as we can." Zetsu said gabbing another Oreo. Lola just laughed and carefully made her way down the stairway; she must have been pretty drunk because she clung to the railing for dear life. Lola searched around on the kitchen counter in the dark she finally found a clean bowl that had been sitting there most of the day. Lola opened up the freezer and started taking ice cubes out of the freezer and putting them in the bowl.

"HEY LOLAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS STUPID BATHROOM LIGHT!?" Sasori yelled from upstairs. "HEY! HEY! THERE'S A BOX OF CONDOMS DOWN THERE SOMEWHERE WILL YOU BRING THOSE UP HERE!? LOLAAAAAA CAN YOU HEAR ME!?"

"Oh for the love of god Sasori! The only neighbors we have who are a half mile away can hear you!" Itachi complained.

"HEY LOLAAAAAAAA! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE POWER IN THIS HOUSE!? THE STUPID CEILING FAN WON'T TURN ON IN HERE!" Sasori continued yelling from upstairs.

"Okay so now she has a bag of hot tamales in her mouth." Zetsu said.

"Zetsu, its fucking dark! How the hell do you know they are hot tamales? Hidan asked.

"Well, that's the only stupid candy that Sasori EVER buys and considering he went to the store today…he probably bought those stupid things AGAIN and never put them away.

"Good, logic there man." Hidan told him.

"LOLAAAAAAA! HAVE YOU FOUND EVERYTHING?! LOLA? YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING ME!"

"MMMMMMSHSHSHSHSHSSHSHSS." It was all Lola could say with her mouth full….


	5. Chapter 5 Tobi's Peanut Butter

"Do we have any more Oreos?" Tobi asked.

"No, but we could start working on that cheese, yeah." Dana said.

"Oh! I'll get it, yeah!" Deidara quickly got up from the couch and carefully made his way into the kitchen. "Marisol! It's mozzarella, yeah!" Deidara said as lightning lit up the house.

"Seriously, what are the chances of us finding Sasrori's RAZR and calling the power company to get a time frame on this outage?" Hidan asked.

"Considering Sasori is all kinds of naked right now….at least that's my guess…I'd say we would have to find Lola's purse and find her RAZR….or you know we could just use our phone that's connected here. Kisame said.

"Here Marisol." Deidara returned with the hunk of cheese and broke part of it off and handed it to her. "Here you all can have the rest, yeah." Deidara handed the cheese to Itachi after he took a piece.

"Okay, so Zetsu you haven't told us something memorable because you know Lola came down here and was obviously getting ready to be worked over by Sasori the rest of the night." Marisol said.

"Hmmm….have I ever told you guys about the time my family took a ski trip to Colorado?"

"Zetsu! No fucking way you ski!? Hidan was excited.

"Zetsu's….family? What like a bunch of sunflowers and venus fly traps acting like….plants?" Itachi asked Deidara softly. At the moment Hidan and Zetsu were high fiving over their mutual love…..of….skiing…..

"So anyway, my family went on this ski trip to Colorado back like seven years ago. It was completely crazy because ALL my family showed up and let me tell you….I have some very tropical plants in my family….they did NOT like Colorado."

"Oooooooh you mean plants that need like warm weather and stuff?" Marisol asked.

"Oh yeah. Let me tell you they spent the entire time in Colorado parked in front of the fireplace."

"I don't get it, yeah." Deidara said.

"Deidara, what the hell is not to get? The point is Zetsu and the plant people don't fit in on the ski slopes!" itachi told him angrily.

"Oooooh, so like they weren't pretty enough, yeah? Is that right?"

"You know what…it's not worth it Deidara…eat your stupid cheese and forget it!" Itachi said flashing a hand into Deidara's face. Deidara gasped.

"I know it's dark and everything but did you just flip a hand in my face as if to say 'whatever', yeah!?" Deidara asked slightly shocked.

"Yes, I did…..deal with it because it's my turn to talk and my stuff is interesting." However before Itachi could begin Deidara decided he didn't like Itachi's attitude and so……."OOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOD! I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT! OH GOD YOU AND THOSE STUPID ASS TONGUES IN YOUR HANDS! DEIDARA! YOU STUPID FUCK! AAAAGGHHHHHH! GOD NOW YOUR, YOUR ,YOUR….SALIVA IS ON MY NECK! I HATE YOU! DID YOU HEAR ME!? I……HATE……YOU! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!!!!!!!" Itachi was now in the middle of a long overdo dramatic fit. "GREAT! NOW I'M HAVING A TEMPERATURE FLUCTUATION! I BLAME YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!!!" Itachi hissed fanning himself.

"Hey, Itachi did you say something to me, yeah." Deidara asked calmly. Knowing well that this would only piss Itachi off more.

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING! HEY, HEY, HEY NOW I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING…" Sasori was currently standing at the top of the stairs wrapped in nothing but a sheet yelling down at everyone. "ALRIGHT, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP."

"Oh, God Sasori! Get real you're not trying to get any sleep! More like getting LAID that's what you're up to!" Kisame yelled at him.

"Hey! Now listen, I may be kind of naked…..but Lola is too!" This comment didn't help Sasori's defense any at all. "And you know, Itachi interrupted my nakedness with his screaming! There is nothing wrong with your girlfriend licking your neck Itachi!" Sasori scolded pointing at him….although since he was pretty drunk and he couldn't see a thing he was actually pointing at a wall.

"Oh my god! Sasori I said that stupid ass Deidara licked my neck! Not Dana! If it were Dana do you even think I'd still be in the living room!" Itachi hissed.

"Hey man, hey. I can't talk to you right now. Lola is like……I mean she is like…..WHOA! You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying when I say that?" Sasori laughed. "I mean we're talking…..like that one AC/DC song….you know? The one…..it goes like….she shook me all night long….or something like that……you dumbasses wouldn't know, why did I come out here?" Sasori mumbled to himself and returned to his bedroom closing the door behind him.

"Seriously, I just called the power company. Power's down until at least 4:30 AM." Hidan said.

"You know Itachi, if I were gay I'd be gay with you, yeah." Deidara said out of no where.

"Deidara! What the hell!? Why! Why the fuck do you say shit like that! First you fucking lick me and now you say dumb shit like that!" Itachi ranted.

"But Sasori just said…."

"Sasori is a stupid ass drunk horny bastard! I hate him!" Itachi yelled.

"So you wouldn't be gay with me, yeah!? Is that what you're saying?" Deidara wondered.

"Yes, I would be gay with…AAAAGGGGGHHHH! See what you did you stupid fuck! God shut up Deidara! Just shut up! I'm going to bed. Dana, honey be careful when you come to bed we left construction material in the upstairs hallway."

"So you would be, yeah?" Deidara wondered.

"Deidara, go to hell! Itachi warned threateningly.

"How the hell did this conversation get started and more importantly…why the hell isn't it ENDING!" Zetsu asked whoever would answer him.

"Well, I'm going to bed too, yeah. its 1:30 in the morning and we wont' be getting any power tonight. I'll see you guys in the morning." And so Dana headed up the stairs in the dark trailing Itachi, who was still fuming in front of her. It was amazing neither of them fell down and killed themselves on the way to the master bedroom.

"I don't get it. I'd be good gay with Itachi, yeah!" Deidara said. "I mean I wasn't saying we were I said IF."

"Alright, this conversation is over because it has reached levels of weirdness I'm just not comfortable with." Zetsu said. "Hey….where's Tobi?"

"Don't worry about me! I'm right here! I'm just making a peanut butter sandwich! Would anyone like one?" Tobi asked.

"No thanks Tobi, just don't make a mess over there." Kisame warned.

"Tobi, peanut butter costs money don't use the whole jar." Kakuzu reminded him.

"Oh god, Kakuzu! It's fucking peanut butter! If he wants to use it all then let him!" Hidan was up for a fight.

"Oh I see, it doesn't matter to you because you think religion is like peanut butter!" Kakuzu said.

"What the fuck!? Kakuzu that doesn't even make sense! My point is that peanut butter is NOT expensive and it doesn't matter how much Tobi uses, seriously!" Hidan yelled back.

"You're always like this Hidan! You always think that everything's not expensive! But guess what!? It adds up!"

"Oh my god! It's fucking 2 dollars and 34 cents! It's not like Tobi's over there crushing up the Hope Diamond and spreading it on a sandwich you stupid ass!"

"This isn't going to end anytime soon is it?" Zetsu asked Kisame. Kisame sighed.

"I think you already know." He answered as Kakuzu and Hidan fought it out.


	6. Chapter 6 Hidan Cooks

"Marisol." Deidara asked half asleep on the couch with Marisol curled up beside him. "

Hmmm?" she asked just as sleepily."

What were you going to talk about as one of your most memorable experiences, yeah?"

"I was going to tell about that one time you and I made out New Years Eve." Marisol said.

"Oh wow...that was...yeah...that was amazing..." Deidara didn't say anything for a moment. "Wait a minute...we did a whole lot more than that on New Years Eve, yeah."

"I would have told about that too."

"Seriously, it has stopped storming out there just a nice rain now." Hidan said looking out the solid back glass of the house.

"Does that mean we can go outside now?"

"Um...no Tobi. It's 2:39 AM who the hell goes outside then?" Zetsu asked.

"And more importantly why the hell am I still awake? I'm going to bed." And with that Zetsu checked out for the rest of the night.

"He's right, Marisol come on sweetie let's go to bed, yeah. I'll carry you upstairs." Deidara scooped Marisol up from the couch and slowly maneuvered through the dark house and to the staircase.

"I would laugh my ass off right now if he dropped her." Kisame said.

"Man, she would not be happy." Kakuzu said.

"You obviously don't know Marisol.She'd just laugh then fuck his brains out." Kisame said.

"You know everyone else has the right idea, I'm going to bed too. It's late and there's no reason for me to be up any longer." Hidan said and he was the next to leave. Now Kisame, Tobi and Kakuzu sat there in the dark living room. Tobi kept tapping his fingers on something.

"Tobi? What are you doing? What do you want?" Kakuzu questioned.

"Well...um..it's just that...will you read me this book before I go to bed?" Tobi handed the book to Kisame.

"Okay Tobi, first off the power is out meaning there is no light to read this stupid book to you. Secondly, what book is this? It feels really really thick." Kisame asked opening up Tobi's book and flipping through the pages.

"It's Arthur C. Clarke's 2001: A Space Odyssey." Tobi said.

"Tobi, 2001: A Space Odyssey is over 200 pages long." Kisame said.

"Yes! 376 to be exact! I counted them!"

"Alright, Tobi, do you realize you asked me to read a book to you that would take...I don't know how many hours to read to you!" Kisame asked trying to magnify the stupidness of what Tobi had just asked.

"Well, it's just that usually before I go to bed I like to read!" Tobi said.

"A stupid 376 page book!? Whatever happened to reading a magazine article or the newspaper!?" Kisame asked, irritated with Tobi.

"Okay, well anyway I'm not reading to you...especially a novel. I'm going to bed." Now Kakuzu and Tobi were the only ones up, but this didn't last long. It was nearly 3:00 and Kakuzu had to make certain Tobi didn't trip on anything and kill himself on his way to bed. By the time everyone had gone to bed, the storm had passed. The house was quiet...until the next day of course.

Seven peaceful hours later...

It was 10:23. Itachi was slowly waking up.

"Dana." He called for her still mostly asleep.

"Yeah?" she answered not very much more strength in her voice.

"This stupid clock is blinking at me..12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...12:00...how do you reset this stupid thing?" Dana rose up to her elbows and stared blankly at the clock.

"12:00, yeah...12:00, yeah...12:00, yeah...12:00, yeah." She repeated over and over in her mind as she watched that dumb digital clock blink at them."Hmmm..we can set this thing, yeah." She yawned and climbed over Itachi and took the clock from their night stand. Dana stared at the 19 buttons on the top of the alarm clock. "Hmm...what does this one do, yeah." Dana punched something on top of the clock."AND A NICE MORNING WE HAVE TODAY WITH HIGHS OF 75 EXPECTED BEFORE NOON AND REACHING AN OVERALL HIGH OF 85 TODAY FOR THE AREA..." Dana had obviously pressed the radio button and of course the volume was blaring. "Okay so that's not the clock, yeah."

"Here let me try one." Itachi took the clock from her and hit another button only to set off the horrible shrieking alarm clock. "Oh god! Stupid ass radio clock thing!" Itachi said to the awful electronic device.Meanwhile downstairs Hidan was already awake and checking on everything in the kitchen to make certain all power had returned. He was of course wearing his 'Orochimaru is my Bitch' apron because Hidan decided this would be a perfect time to make a brunch consisting of hash brown potatoes, toaster pastries, biscuits, pineapple and ham. He was basically emptying out the refrigerator so he could do some intense grocery shopping later on. Kisame joined Hidan shortly.

"Hey, looks like our power came back on." Kisame said.

"Seriously, it did I've already reset the microwave clock. And by the way, before Deidara and Itachi get started on their little home improvement project today, they have some work to do in the pool." Hidan said beginning to chop the pineapple. Kisame walked over to the glass side of the house that opened up to the pool. The pool was pretty full of leaves from the previous nights storm.

"So I made some new coffee this morning. I found it in the cabinet, it's French Mocha." Hidan said.

"Hmmm, that sounds interesting; I think I'll...well well well." Kisame's thoughts were interrupted at the sight of Sasori slowly making his way downstairs. Kisame smiled all over, it was a combination of 'I can't wait to give you a hard time' and 'I can't wait to give you hard time until you freak out'. "Good morning beautiful! Why, Sasori why ever do you look so hung-over and sleep deprived!?" Kisame said with joyful spite. Sasori didn't say anything as he walked slowly to kitchen counter bar stool. He sat down and laid his head on the counter between his arms. "Hey, um Sasori? How did Lola sleep last night? Oh wait...she didn't sleep that much did she? That's right!" Kisame was having way too much fun although he knew if Sasori had a little more strength he would be in for a major ass kicking. Sasori still didn't say anything, he just sat there listless.

"Hey man, you want some coffee and maybe some headache medicine?" Hidan was so caring. Sasori shook his head yes but didn't bother looking up. Hidan poured a cup of coffee and shoved it toward Sasori he then began to search for anything that knocked out a headache...a really awful one. Sasori finally sat up and stared blankly at the coffee while his head spun. He looked around as Hidan handed Sasori two pills. Sasori was probably the only person who could swallow medicine with black coffee.

"You know, Sasori I know you haven't said a word yet but you really should eat something with that medicine here." Hidan shoved a biscuit at him. Sasori just stared at it for a moment. He seemed to be in deep thought.

"Why are there two bottles of wine missing from the wine refrigerator?" Sasori said weakly looking at the wine refrigerator. Kisame laughed out loud.

"Because you and Lola put away two bottles last night like it was water." Kisame said. Sasori was still staring at the biscuit.

"We did? I thought it was one."

"Nope, you drank one bottle all through dinner and then you started in on another bottle during Catch Phrase." Kisame said.

"We played Catch Phrase?" Sasori asked.

"Oh my god Sasori! We played Catch Phrase, you sucked at it, there was a storm...we played Uno?"

"Huh?" Sasori asked finally taking another sip of the coffee.

"Here let's make this easier for him. Saosri what DO you remember about last night?" Kisame asked frosting a toaster pastry. Sasori stared off into nowhere again.⌠

"I remember...Lola... I remember Lola making a man out of me."

"Hey Hidan, something tells me Lola is going to need an ice pack when she comes down here." Kisame said.

"I'm on it." Hidan said pulling out a giant freezer bag and filling it full of ice.


	7. Chapter 7 Home Improvements for Morons

"Marisol! Are you ready to paint, yeah!?" Deidara yelled with enthusiasm.

"YES!" Marisol yelled back holding up her two paintbrushes. She was dressed in her painters gear which consisted of shorts that were incredibly short and an old sports bra she didn't really care about, and a mound of blonde hair piled on top her head.

"Okay, first, Marisol you only need one paintbrush. Second, we're going to need to spread out some newspaper, yeah." Marisol thought a moment.

"Oh! You know what!? I haven't seen a newspaper but I can tear out the pages of last month's Vogue magazine and use that as a painting surface!" Marisol was super excited about this idea.

"And we can combine it with Hidan's old quarterly issue of 'Jasshin Devotee', yeah." Deidara ran off to find Hidan. Itachi was outside straining the leaves out of the pool. He had made good use of Tobi by making him sweep the leaves around the pool out into the yard. Dana had a task of her own to deal with…

"I don't know about this." Lola said weakly as she laid in the floor with her ankles up around Dana's neck. "I mean….this is almost the position I was in when it happened."

"Lola, you could barely walk down the steps, yeah."

"It's okay…I mean what's a little pain?" Lola said laughing with slight misery in her voice.

"Lola! I know you're all….smart and stuff, yeah! But you obviously don't know anything about what it takes to avoid this situation, yeah! Rule number one, you never tense your back up! Rule number two ALWAYS keep your hips flat and level even if they are airborne, yeah! Lola, I'm going to be honest with you. This isn't going to be pleasant but you are going to feel so much better, yeah!" Dana warned.

"Dana, Dana I don't know. I'm not bendy like you….Dana…..Dana oh my god what are you going to…AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" All that was heard next was a horrible pop. Dana left Lola whimpering on the floor and went to the freezer.

"Oh hey an ice pack, yeah!" Dana said happy to see an ice pack in the freezer. She took it out wrapped it in a towel and returned to Lola who was still whimpering in the same position that she left her. "Alright Lola, come on, yeah." Dana dragged Lola up on to the couch and shoved the ice pack between her thighs. "There! You'll feel much better in 2 or 3 hours, yeah!" Dana told her. "You want a pillow or a blanket because it looks like you may want to go back to sleep, yeah." Dana asked her

"I'll take the pillow….but this is really cold." Lola whined. Dana shoved a pillow underneath Lola.

"Okay Lola, before I leave to go paint with Marisol, I hope you've learned a valuable lesson, yeah!"

"Oh my god Dana! Get up here! Painting is like…..so fun!" Marisol yelled from the top of the stairs. Speaking of the home improvement project, Deidara currently had the book Making Decorative Wall Petitions with Roman Style Columns and Accent Molding for Morons in front of him.

"Okay, it says here in the first paragraph that even the stupidest and most uncoordinated people can do simple home improvements such as creating decorative wall petitions with Roman style columns and accent molding. We introduce in our books seven easy steps that even total retards can follow, yeah. Hey! This means Orochimaru could follow this book….so that means it's going to be like…..like a moonwalk for us, yeah!" Deidara was so excited about the project.

"A moonwalk?" Marisol asked.

"Yeah…you know like…really easy." Deidara said spreading supplies out in the master bedroom.

"Wait, you mean easy like a cakewalk, yeah!" Dana said.

"Oh that's it! I always get those walks confused, yeah." Deidara said. "Now, Dana you paint this other column. I'm going to follow step one which is……get a tape measure and plot the surface for which your decorative room enhancement will set. Hint, measure two times for accuracy, yeah." Deidara read out loud and then started digging through a box for a tape measure. Itachi had finished skimming the leaves out of the pool and he had a reward for Tobi for all his help.

"Tobi, come here this is for all your help today." Itachi walked Tobi to the refrigerator. "Here." Itachi handed him something.

"Wooooooooooooow………..what is it!?" Tobi was excited.

"It's a 98 percent fat free strawberry Dannon yogurt cup. Here's a spoon."

"Wooooooooooooow. I can't wait! I've seen these in the refrigerator and I've always wanted to try one! But I know Lola always packs them in her lunch and I've never asked her what they were, but now! Now it's my chance!" Tobi ran off with the yogurt cup.

"Come on Kakuzu! Quit being a dumb fuck!" Hidan hurried him along.

"Just wait a minute! Besides Zetsu isn't ready to leave yet!" Kakuzu said as he searched through his man purse.

"Zetsu is too ready! He's going over our grocery list! Come on just bring the whole damn man purse!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Hidan! I have to organize this before we leave!" Kakuzu insisted.

"Oh god! You are always wanting to organize that stupid ass man purse! Zetsu is ready to go and we need to get everything on this list because we are low on like everything!" Hidan was not pleased.

"Fine! But when I can't find anything in my man purse later I'm blaming you!" Kakuzu yelled. "Here let me see that list." Kakuzu continued heading toward the door where Zetsu awaited him and Hidan. Kakuzu scanned the list.

"What the hell!? Oranges are expensive this time of year!"

"Oh for god's sake! It's fucking AUGUST! They aren't expensive." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Chocolate peanut butter chunk ice cream? Deli meat!? Those are NOT on sale this week!"

"You know what Kakuzu not everything on our list is going to be on sale! My god! It won't amount to more than five dollars! Shit Kakuzu let's just leave! Give that list back to Zetsu!" Hidan said pushing Kakuzu and his man purse toward the door. They finally managed to leave, fighting all the way out the door.

"Itachi! Shove harder, yeah!" Deidara ordered him straining.

"It won't fit! I'm telling you this hole is just too small!" Itachi was pissed.

"No it isn't! Just push it in, yeah!"

"Yes it is! It's not designed to fit in there! Oh my god! Did you even read the seven easy steps?" Itachi let go of the pillar that Marisol had painted earlier and reached for the book. "Look dumbass! You didn't even do step 4! Step 4 clearly states: resize your crown molding around the pillar so that all sides equally line up without any space. Tip: make certain pillar fits securely into the base unit before the crown molding has been placed." Itachi read from the book.

"Man, this is really hard stuff, yeah." Dana told Marisol.

"I know! That part about making sure your surface is flat? How would we have even known to check that if this book hadn't said to do that!"

"Yeah! And that cutsie little tool that we found in the leader's toolbox? Who would have thought it was used to scrape stuff with, yeah!" Dana said.

"Alright, Deidara we're going to reposition, remeasure the hole and try again." Itachi said reaching for a tape measure. "Dana, honey you and Marisol can start painting that shit that goes around the pillar." Itachi instructed.

"Okay!" Dana chirped. She had decided that she LOVED to paint and Marisol was no exception.

"Deidara, I swear you can not count, add or subtract!" Itachi yelled at him. "Look stupid! You were four inches off on all sides no wonder it won't fit!"

"The book says to remeasure, you weren't here to remeasure, yeah!" Deidara whined.

"Well learn to fucking count Deidara! God!" itachi started redoing everything Deidara had done wrong. What was the title of that book again? Did it have the word moron in it?


	8. Chapter 8 Groceries

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD! I THINK I JUST GOT MY HAIR IN THE PAINT!!!! AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO, YEAH!?!?!?" Deidara screamed.

"YOU ARE SO STUPID! WOULD YOU JUST CALM DOWN! YOU'RE HAIR ISN'T IN THE PAINT! NOW COME HELP ME!" Itachi yelled at him.

"Oh, it's not in the paint is it, yeah?" Deidara was suddenly quite relaxed. "Okay, now what do you need?" itachi was getting more and more pissed by the moment.

"Get your worthless blonde ass over here and hold on to this pillar so we can fit it!" The home improvement project wasn't going well….but it wasn't going awful either. Dana and Marisol were instructed to paint the back part of the half-wall that the pillar thing would attach to.

"Come on Tobi there's a big tree limb down in the back yard. I'm going to cut it up and you're going to throw the pieces over the hillside around back." Kisame said dragging Tobi outside with him. Kisame loved excuses to use the chakra shredding sword of doom…and he especially loved tree branches, those were fun to shred. "Alright Tobi, now I'm going to chop this bitch up and then you clean up the pieces."

"Okay, Kisame! I'm ready!" Tobi said eager to pick up the pieces of wood.

"Alright….EAT THIS BITCH!" Kisame then annihilated the branch. However, he had gotten a little carried away and now Tobi was running around like crazy trying to catch all the tiny shards of wood that went flying into the air. Kisame soon stopped and looked to the ground. "Oops….I got a little carried away." He said to Tobi staring at the pile of sawdust that used to be a branch. Tobi was still running around.

"Kisame! I got all the pieces….hey what's that pile?" Tobi said staring at the sawdust.

"That used to be the branch." Kisame said.

"Oh…okay well….I'll just spread it out over the grass." Tobi said logically.

"No! Oh my god! Just get the damn berries! Look, right here! Seriously, Lola wrote 'berries'." Hidan was losing his patience with Kakuzu while grocery shopping. Fortunately, Zetsu had hurried off to the meat counter.

"This isn't the season for berries! Look they are 2 for 5 dollars! That's not cheap; let's just get her berry fruit snacks!" Kakuzu yelled back.

"Fuck you! Fuck you Kakuzu! For ten dollars you can get the strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and cranberries!"

"Yeah and for 2.50 I can get the Ocean Spray dried cranberries!"

"IT'S THE SAME FUCKING PRICE ASS HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!" Hidan screamed. It was a good thing the senior citizen shopping beside them was practically deaf. Hidan slapped Kakuzu up side the head.

"Oh my god! You just slapped me! Last time I checked that wasn't a part of Jasshin ritual!"

"Kakuzu, this is not about religion. Seriously, this is about GETTING THE FUCKING GROCERY SHOPPING DONE!"

"Hmmm, so the steak filet mignon? Are those prime cuts today?" Zetsu calmly asked the meat counter man."

"Oh yeah, just cut this morning and we're running a $10.95 special, two cuts per package."

"Oooooh, well you can't beat that! I'll take four packages of those please." Even Kakuzu would have approved that purchase, he loved anything steak.

"What the hell is wrong with you today!? My god Kakuzu it says right here 20 percent more free!" Hidan said.

"But how do I know if I'm really getting 20 percent more free?" Kakuzu questioned examining the fruit juice with the radical claim on the label.

"BECAUSE DUMB ASS! IT SAYS 16.9 OUNCES FOR THE 14.3 OUNCE PRICE!" Hidan yelled.

"Hmmm…I never trust these gimmicks." Kakuzu said skeptically.

"MY GOD! IT'S NOT A GIMMICK!!!!!! GIVE ME THE FUCKING JUICE!" Hidan shouted taking the juice from Kakuzu. Zetsu was doing an excellent job in the chips aisle. He had stocked up on Sun Chips because he knew how much Itachi loved the low fat baked taste. And he wasn't about to pass up the Baked Lays because Sasori always had to have sour cream and onion dip with them. And naturally, Zetsu was going to stock up on microwave popcorn. He also knew the freezer was quickly getting low on ice cream. While Zetsu quickly made his way in and out of aisles, Kakuzu and Hidan were in still yet, another fight.

"You have problems today you know that!" Hidan said.

"I don't have problems! You're loose with money!" Kakuzu yelled back.

"They're tampons! TAMPONS KAKUZU! Women NEED these. These are not like your fucking pore minimizing pads…these are a life necessity!" Hidan yelled.

"I don't know…..I've never actually seen Marisol, Dana, or Lola ever use one of these….how do I know for sure?"

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT KIND OF THING ISN'T PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!!!"

"Hidan! It just seems like a total waste of $3.97!"

"Go to hell! GO….TO…HELL! GET OUT! ZETSU AND I WILL FINISH THIS!" Hidan was irate, so much so that he started kicking Kakuzu until he screamed bloody murder.

Back at the house Lola had just awoken from a very long, very much needed 6 hour nap. Sasori was still asleep behind her, however Lola hadn't awoken naturally, she was awaken by pounding upstairs. Lola looked around the room. Sasori was asleep in the chair across from Lola. She looked down only to see a towel covered bag of melted ice between her thighs. She decided she would first take that into the kitchen and see if last night's hangover was gone. Besides, she had notes to make and organize for Monday. Lola noticed that she felt much better and so she decided to go upstairs and see where all the pounding was coming from.

"Oh my god! Marisol, we are SO carpenters, yeah!" Dana said excitedly as she and Marisol pounded decorative edging on to the pillar bases.

"I know! Who would have ever guessed we had skills like these!" Marisol said as they pounded some more. At this point Lola was standing at the doorway of the master bedroom only to see this lovely home improvement occurring. "Hey! Dana Lola's up! Hey Lola, you totally got laid beyond words!" Marisol said dropping the hammer and running over to Lola. Nearly naked Marisol was speckled all over with paint, sheet rock dust, and more paint. Lola didn't say anything; she was still trying to wake up.

"Hi Lola! Oh my god, come look at our neat little thing we've been building today, yeah!" Marisol and Dana were entirely too perky for Lola's mood right now.

"What the hell is all the pounding?" Lola asked weakly.

"Come look! Come look, yeah!" Dana said pulling Lola into the bedroom to show off the nearly finished room petition. Lola just stared and yawned.

"That's nice." She finally said dryly.

"Awww, you're still sleepy! Don't worry we'll show you again when you're more rested." Marisol said.

"Thanks…I'm going to take a shower." Lola said and then she left.

"HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEY! SOMEONE COME HELP US WITH THESE GROCERIES!" Hidan yelled as the front door flew open. This of course woke Sasori in a panic. Kisame came to grab some groceries from Hidan.

"Hey man, hey give me two bags." Kisame said taking two grocery bags from Hidan. Kakuzu and Zetsu filed inside behind Hidan, their arms piled up with bags. Sasori could have helped….but he just wanted to see what they bought. Kisame sat the first bags down. Sasori immediately started going through them.

"According to this receipt, I saved $47.86 by purchasing sale items." Kakuzu scanned the receipt. It had been an eventful past two days. Thank god it was over….for now. Sasori took more items out of the grocery bags while Zetsu put things away. Itachi and Deidara had finished their lovely home improvement project. They couldn't wait to show it off.

Hey everyone! Check out my next story coming soon: Akatsuki High School Year Books! I hope you will enjoy it!


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